What would you do if you wanted to eat a snack?

OK here's a problem for you.... You're a first grader, working hard in class, when you begin to feel like you could go for a snack right about now. What do you do? Well, you could grab someone else's snack, or you could walk out of class and go to the cafeteria to see what's there, or you could ask the teacher if you could have a snack. Which would you choose? This, and other related dilemmas were posed to the first graders last week in SEL class, in order to get them to get them to consider the consequences of the choices they make in the course of their day. We talked about these consequences as they relate not only to inhibiting impulsive responses, but also with regard to social appropriateness and the perspectives and feelings of others. Michelle Garcia Winner, whose Social Thinking curriculum focuses on the learning of "expected vs. unexpected" behaviors, asks us to think of the consequences of our actions in relation to how we are perceived by others based on the choices we make. Do we make choices that are empathic and kind? Or are we mainly interested in getting our way without seeing how our behaviors impact the feelings of our peers? And how will these choices ultimately affect our friendships and relationships with peers and adults?

In response to these questions, we asked the first graders to pair up and brainstorm 3 solutions to various problems, consider the consequences of each one, choose the best solution and tell why they chose that one. Quite an assignment for these youngsters, or, so we thought!

Once again, we were amazed by the thoughtfulness and imagination of our children, but more importantly, the empathy and wisdom of their responses. One pair of students decided that grabbing someone else's snack would result in being considered a bad friend. Going to the cafeteria would result in getting in trouble for not asking. But asking if you could have a snack would be the most appropriate solution because you would more than likely be granted permission to have it if you made a polite request! Other dilemmas included what to do if someone says something mean to you, or if you raise your hand and are not called on, etc. All of this brainstorming resulted in responses that are indicative of the "expected/unexpected" behaviors that they are taught, but also that these children can self monitor and inhibit unproductive responses in favor of those that foster friendship, adherence to social norms, and safety in obeying rules.

Children as young as 6 years old know these concepts as their executive functioning capacities develop. As parents and caregivers, we know that the ability to delay impulsive responding, to monitor our responses to determine their appropriateness, and to consider the perspectives of those to whom we respond involves higher order thinking that result in satisfying and meaningful relationships. So go ahead and do some of these kinds of problem solving exercises with your children and be sure to ask them what they feel the consequences of their choices would be as they choose the best alternative. Developing cause and effect thinking is a critical part of growing up!

So...what would you do if you wanted to eat a snack?