I recently had the opportunity to speak to the Lower School
parents about resilience through goal directed persistence. I love this topic
because it relates to executive functioning, or the ability to plan, organize,
manage our time, inhibit impulsive responses, and to initiate and complete
tasks in the interest of achieving our goals. While we are in the process of developing
these higher level skills however, we also have to accept that we will be
making mistakes along the way. Do we dare say that we may fail? And if we do,
does that mean that we are failures? And if we make mistakes, do we dare admit
to them for fear of being poorly regarded?
These, and other questions were asked of our Kindergarten
through 4th Grade students, as we explore the Growth Mindset movement, which is
gaining notoriety in schools nationally and internationally. Dr. Carol Dweck, a
researcher at Stanford University, and author of “Mindset: The New Psychology
of Success”, states that children become more resilient and embrace challenges
more readily when praised for their effort. Conversely, when praised for their innate intelligence, the likelihood of success is lessened due to their reluctance to
make mistakes and learn from them. Changing the way we talk to our children is
a fascinating dilemma, considering that we must first change the way we talk to
ourselves about making mistakes and failing!
But back to the kids! One of the most highly recommended
children’s books about the joy of making mistakes is aptly entitled “The Girl
who Never Made Mistakes”, by Mark Pett and Gary Rubenstein. The children loved
this story, and were eager to talk about some of the mistakes they have made,
why it was ok to make mistakes and what they learn from them. We reinforced this
lesson at our Lower School community meeting last Friday where all of the
students united to embrace the lessons learned from failure as they relate to effort and persistence. Mrs. Aysacker (a.k.a. “Angelina”) played the birthday
song for the students, but made a few mistakes along the way, which were
negatively noted by our “Grumpelina”. The children were given the opportunity
to give their views as to why it was ok for Angelina to make mistakes and to
praise her for continuing to play the song to its completion. I am always
amazed by the thoughtful responses our children come up with. After listening
to many of them, we concluded the lesson with one of our littlest Pre-K students summing it all up by assertively saying “Just do the best you can”! I couldn’t have said it
better myself!
At home, consider the importance of praising your child’s
effort and persistence when they succeed. For example, a good grade on a
spelling test could warrant the acknowledgement that he/she worked hard to achieve
that grade, followed by questioning what type of strategy was used to get there.
This type of conversation yields a greater level of motivation than praising
intelligence alone.
And don’t forget to remind your child about the girl who
never made mistakes, and why she got the best night’s sleep of her entire life
after making a really really big mistake (although you probably can guess)! 