How to turn an enemy into a friend!

Has this ever happened to you? Life is going along really well, and as your summer vacation approaches you anticipate that it will be the best summer of your life? But then someone moves into your neighborhood, laughs at you when he strikes you out at baseball, invites your best friend to his birthday party but not you? And just won’t go away? Well this is exactly what happened to the protagonist (I’ll call him “Nick”) in the book “Enemy Pie”, wonderfully written by Derek Munson. In last week’s SEL classes, we read how Nick’s clever dad helped Nick to rid himself of his worst (and only) enemy in 1 day! Dad said he would bake an enemy pie for Jeremy Ross (enemy #1).  Nick could only imagine what gross and disgusting ingredients the pie would contain, which might result in any number of horrors, the worst being that Jeremy’s breath could become forever stinky! However, in order to make it work, Nick’s job was to spend the entire day with Jeremy Ross, and worse yet, he had to be nice to him! Then at the end of the day, Jeremy Ross would stay for dinner and be fed the dreaded pie for desert.

The children found this story riveting, as they predicted not only the creepy things that would go into the pie (worms, caterpillars, rocks, leaves, etc…), but how the boys might resolve their differences, if at all. A number of the children considered the possibility that after a day together, the boys might actually have fun, find commonalities and become friends, which is exactly what happened! When Nick and Jeremy Ross shared what was a delicious fruit pie at the end of their fun filled day, Nick realized that he had indeed “lost his best enemy” forever! 

After some discussion around the topic of making friends, even with those who we may not initially like so much, the students processed ways to work through these feelings for more positive outcomes. The first Graders paired up to draw posters, all of which reflected the importance of kindness, compromise and compassion. The 2^nd Graders paired up to list ways to turn an enemy into a friend, which they wrote above a drawing of a pie steaming with bugs, worms and other creepy things. Their ideas were inspiring as they shared such thoughts as talking through differences, compromising on activities they would like to do, focusing on their similarities instead of differences, and discovering the unexpected joys of making new friends.

I love watching our students as they brainstorm solutions to social problems almost as much as I love hearing the actual solutions and seeing the heartfelt art they produce during these classes. At home, it is good to review with them the stories we read and ask what they learned in class. Even more important would be to ask them how they would use these lessons outside of school – in the neighborhood; as a member of a sports team or at Summer camp. The ability to generalize learned concepts to other environments is crucial to smooth social functioning both in and out of school, because you never know when a “Jeremy Ross” will move into your life!

If you had to choose, what would you do?

We all know that setting goals is important to success in all areas of our lives. In Social Emotional Learning, we aspire to having our students become empathic individuals who are able to appreciate theirs and others’ viewpoints in this increasingly global environment. With this in mind, our 3^rd Graders (with the help of Mrs. Martin), have implemented personal and class goals which they discuss each Monday. They define the goal, and talk about ways in which the goal can be applied both in and out of the classroom. As the week progresses, the students have the opportunity for self-assessment to see how well they perform, as well as those areas where they could improve.

The first goal, established a few weeks ago, was “showing respect”. In our Social Emotional Learning class, we read a short story from the book titled: “If You Had to Choose, What Would You Do?” by Sandra McLeod Humphrey. This book is a treasure-trove of problem solving scenarios to get students to think about a moral dilemma and brainstorm solutions that are empathic and respectful. In the story “Double the Money”, the main character (Tara), was mistakenly paid double her fee for tending her neighbor’s garden. Tara was saving for a bike which was going up for auction in 2 weeks and the extra money would ensure the likelihood that she would be able to buy it. So the dilemma was: Should she keep the money for the highly coveted bike, or should she return it?

This reading was discussed by pairs of students who then reported to the entire group how they would solve this dilemma. And once again, I was in awe of the level of empathy the students displayed. But even more impressive were the solutions they arrived at in order to earn the money that had been overpaid! A few of the students offered to clean her garage, while others would do extra gardening, or not accept payment for the following week’s work. The students presented a variety of creative responses which indicated honesty, resourcefulness, and respect for the feelings of others. These heartfelt responses reinforced how teaching respect and ethics to our young children is internalized and demonstrated in so many ways.

Young children love to do these kinds of problem solving exercises, and research indicates that reading comprehension is improved when they do. Moral reasoning enhances empathy, but also creative thinking, negotiating, perspective taking and critical thinking – all important to success in school and in relationships.

So encourage your children to problem solve by asking them to predict what might happen in a story, or by asking them to solve a moral dilemma. They will enjoy it and you will be amazed by their responses and feel proud of them (and yourselves) for raising ethical and empathic individuals!