Inferencing and Empathy

Did you know that at least 85% of our communication is non-verbal? We can say something to someone else, but the way we say it  - our tone of voice and body language can give one statement various meanings. For example, if your friend has a new hairstyle, she can infer that you like it if you look her in the eye and your voice is sincere and positive. However, if you avoid making eye contact, or roll your eyes while your voice reflects uncertainty, she may infer that she needs a new stylist!

Teaching our children to infer allows them to surmise the meaning of a situation without all of the information given. They do this through the understanding of cause and effect, ability to “read the room”, to draw information from facial expressions and gestures, and access their own prior knowledge of the situation. Inferencing is “higher order thinking” and becomes more critical over the years.

Why is this important? From an academic standpoint, being able to infer has been shown to improve reading comprehension, as children can better attach their own “schema”, to understand the motivations of characters in a story. From a resilience standpoint, if a child can infer a situation from context and from nonverbal information, he/she is in a better position to find more appropriate solutions to problems encountered throughout the day. From an empathic standpoint, it has been shown that the ability to infer the feelings and motivations of others allows us to demonstrate empathy and compassion more effectively as we appreciate both the commonalities and diversities of those with whom we interact.

As we focus more on the importance of global education, the ability to empathize becomes highly meaningful. I was fortunate to observe Krysta Zambroski read “Probuditi” by Chris Van Allsburg to our 2^nd Graders, encouraging them to infer and predict the outcome of a very intriguing story about a boy who “supposedly” hypnotized his sister, turning her into a dog! It was delightful to see their faces light up with anticipation as the story unfolded, guessing what might happen next, knowing that this boy was about to get into a bit of hot water.

So Marilena and I decided to see how their inferencing abilities would play out in our SEL class. We asked them to guess both the feelings as well as the situation promoting these feelings by presenting a scenario with successive bits of information leading to their guessing the complete motivation behind the character’s actions. For example, the 1^st scenario:

A – Your friend’s eyes are red and she has a sad face. (The children guess that she is upset and crying).

B – Your friend’s eyes are red, she has a sad face, and she is sneezing. (The children guess that she has a cold).

C – Your friend’s eyes are red, she has a sad face, she is sneezing and has to go to the nurse’s office. (Now she has the flu!).

D – Your friend’s eyes are red, she has a sad face, she is sneezing, has to go to the nurse’s office and her Mom is coming to pick her up (She really sick so needs to go home and rest, or go to the doctor).

Now we have a complete picture, based on the children’s’ own prior experience, allowing them to put bits of nonverbal information together to guess what is going on. But more importantly, we then discuss what we can to do show empathy to our friend, and some wonderful examples of compassion emerge.

Marilena takes this and runs with it (literally) by having the students play a game of tag where the person tagged can be rescued by making an empathic statement to the rescuer, who then presents that person with a beanbag with which to rescue someone else who has been tagged. This is such a wonderful exercise, allowing our students to be thoughtful in how they address their peers and demonstrate the kind of caring that we endorse throughout their day.

This is a fun exercise that parents and caregivers can do at home! Make up a scenario and give your child just a bit of information, starting with a feeling (use feelings faces to augment if you wish). Add a few more bits of information until your child infers the meaning of the situation. Then discuss how to show compassion in addressing it. Your child will surprise you with all that he/she can infer!

Stereotypes

As we prepared to honor the birthday or Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. last Friday the 16^th, our SEL classes focused on the limiting aspects of stereotyping. In the younger grades, Marilena and I questioned some age old gender stereotypes though role playing activities and reading such books as “Oliver Button is a Sissy” and “The Paper Bag Princess”, where the not so beautiful princess rescues a handsome prince from a fire breathing dragon by her wit as opposed to physical prowess. We also attempted to isolate which academic subjects are unique to boys and which are to girls, and were delighted to conclude that there are none! Boys and girls have equal abilities in math, science, music, art, etc.!

 Having said that, our 3^rd and 4^th Graders were posed the question: “If girls and boys can, and should be entitled to do whichever activities appeal to them, then why is it that toy stores continue to feature blue sections and pink sections? Why do we find more sports oriented toys in the blue section and more dolls in the pink section? This is where we begin to engage in the critical thinking process with our students – not taking information at face value, but asking the type of question that Dr. King asked so many years ago – why does color dictate who we are allowed to be from the moment we are born?

We thought about how best to address the issue of stereotypes and concluded that being self-aware and proud of who we are would be wonderful first steps. With that accomplished, we would then be better able to accept and appreciate differences in others on a more empathic level. So, with the help and participation of the Lower school, featuring our amazing 4^th Graders, we created a video which reflects the diverse passions, characters and personalities of our students, teachers and various administrators. The instant support of everyone involved was moving, considering the time constraints of this production.

 It would not have been possible without the dedication of everyone involved, but especially Marilena Canuto, whose tireless effort and technical expertise made this dream a reality. And Wendy Harrington’s help with the time lapse segment was greatly appreciated by us all. I am in awe of them and the Lower School teachers (especially Roz and Mark) for saying “yes” in a big way to this project.

I hope you enjoy this video as much as we enjoyed producing it. As you watch it, think about Dr. King’s vision for our children as they move along and face present and future global challenges. Knowing and being proud of who they are, what they have to offer and how they treat others will have life changing outcomes for them and the people who will be fortunate enough to know them!

Happy Holidays!

As 2014 draws to a close and our students engage in the Holiday festivities here at Berwick, I continue to be awed by their ability to balance the excitement of receiving, with the joy of giving. I have seen examples of empathy, caring and friendship in all of the grades, both on individual levels as well as in school wide initiatives to give to those less fortunate. Conversations with individuals or groups of students have focused very little on what they want for themselves, but instead, on how they plan to spend quality time with families over the holidays, or initiatives that they and their families are undertaking to be sure that children in their communities have enough toys and food.

The kindergarten students ran their annual hat and mitten drive; the second graders made lovely ornaments for the Unified Arts teachers (thanks to a wonderful parent who provided the supplies and assistance), and the third Graders’ food drive yielded over 500 items for the South Berwick food Pantry! More recently, they invited their parents to assist with the design and architecture of the most amazingly decorated gingerbread houses I have ever seen.

 But I have to say that the most anticipated annual 4^th Grade yard sale gave all students the opportunity to buy new or gently used toys and books with the money donated to a charity of the 4^th Graders’ choice. This incredibly fun event allowed me to witness the sensitivity of our 4^th Graders as they helped our little ones to pick out gifts for their family members and/or themselves! The highlight of the event for me was helping a pre-K youngster pay for and carry a wooden house he bought for a classmate who wanted to buy it but had forgotten to bring his money!

In SEL classes, we talked about what we would be doing over the holidays and if anyone thought they might be receiving gifts. All raised their hands with delight, until I asked the dreaded question: “What would you do if you received a gift that you didn't really like?” It didn't take very long for many of them to respond that they would express gratitude toward the giver, appreciating the time and thought involved in selecting or making the gift. Even our youngest students were able to articulate the importance of gratitude and how it makes others feel to be appreciated for their efforts. Listening to these thoughtful and heartfelt responses confirmed once again all that their parents and caregivers do to instill the concepts of kindness and empathy. Your devotion to both their academic as well as social emotional wellness is inspiring.

After our lesson, the students worked diligently making ornaments, sharing their excitement regarding who would be the recipient of these handmade treasures! Once again, no talk about what they hoped for for themselves, but what they could make and do for family and friends!

I know that I speak for Marilena and all of the faculty and staff in the Lower School in thanking you once again for your unending support and for instilling kindness and compassion in your children. We wish you the happiest of holidays and look forward to seeing you all in 2015!

5 Senses

12-14-2014

Can you imagine what your everyday life would be like without your five senses?  This week, the students explored what it would be like to lose some of their senses and relied on others.  The kindergarten had to use their sense of hearing to identify different sounds.   They learned that ear makes up two separate parts; the outer ear and the inner ear.  Your ear is made up of cartilage and skin that works like a cup to catch the sound as it travels past your head.  Sound travels from there to the tympanic membrane to the three smallest bones in your body.  From there it travels to the cochlea (the inner ear) and through a spiral shaped tube with changes vibrations into sound and sends that message to the brain.  Your brain uses the sound from both ears to determine the direction and distance of sound.       

The first graders loss their sense of sight by being blindfolded and they had to identify objects by their sense of touch.  The students had to describe to the class what the object felt like.  After they used descriptive words, they had to guess what the object was while still blindfolded.

The second grade will do their activity next week.  They will loss their sense of sight and have to use their sense of hearing to identify everyday objects hidden in containers.   They will learn about the eye and how it is similar to a camera.  The lens of the eye is at the front of your eyeball and helps to focus images onto the retina that is on the back of your eye.  The retina is covered with two different light sensitive cells called cones and rods.  The cones allow you to see color and the rods allow you to see better at night and with your peripheral vision.  All the information is sent to the brain upside down and the brain flips it right side up.  

The third graders worked on their sense of touch with a braille activity.  They used the braille alphabet to decode a message.  They were able to use their sense of sight and touch to decode this message. 

The fourth graders combined their sense of sight, hearing, touch, and smell and had to go through an obstacle course while blindfolded.  They had a partner guide them through an obstacle course.  The first time the students went through, they could only listen to their partner, but could not see where they were going.  The second time the group went through, they could only receive silent signals from their partner.  The third time they went through the obstacle walkway, their partner was on the perimeter of the gymnasium giving verbal directions. 

Childhood Resilience

On Wednesday, November 12th I had the pleasure of addressing some of our parents at the Lower School coffee. Having the opportunity to talk about childhood resilience was both exciting but daunting, considering not only the many factors involved in the formation of a resilient child, but also the time constraints I had to follow! But thanks to the patience of everyone there, I was able to cover a few of those aspects of resilience that we as caring and nurturing adults can consider as we prepare our children to deal with adversity and diversity in their increasingly globalized world. So I am presenting an outline of my talk and encourage you to comment, ask questions or drop in to my office to chat more about this important topic if you'd like! And do overlook the typos please!!!

Resilience - November 12, 2014

“Resilient children, those who are happy and successful, learn to manage their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in part through the common denominator of living, working with and being educated by available and caring adults.” - Robert Brooks, Ph.D.

What is resilience?

• The ability of a child to cope with everyday challenges, to bounce back from disappointments, adversity, to develop clear and realistic goals, to solve problems, to relate comfortably with others, and to treat oneself and others with respect.

Why has this become such an important topic?

As our children’s world becomes more globalized, they are confronted with numerous challenges and demands. Their overall success will depend upon their ability to be self-aware as they set personal, academic social and career goals. Additionally, their ability to empathize and learn from mistakes will enhance empathic communications as they interact with others whose viewpoints and cultures differ from theirs.

How does resilience affect academic performance? Social interactions? Personal coping and problem solving?

Academic Performance:

• Sustained effort in the face of challenge
• Coping with failure
• Learning from mistakes
• Problem solving
• Goal setting
• Eagerness to engage in new learning
• Awareness of personal strengths

Social Interactions:

• Ability to initiate and maintain friendships
• Ability to empathize/put self in the shoes of another
• Being able to communicate empathically and reciprocally
• Understanding the importance of both verbal and nonverbal communication
• Understanding the impact of one’s behaviors on others
• Ability to manage one’s emotions
• Ability to inhibit impulses when interacting with others
• ability to withstand peer pressure
• Ability to express gratitude and appreciation

Personal coping:

• Ability to label and understand one’s emotions
• Ability to understand and appreciate others’ emotions
• Establishing personal goals and sub-goals.
• Developing effective strategies for coping with disappointment
• Sustained effort despite challenges - not giving up
• Being able to ask for assistance from trusted peers and adults
• Being able to communicate with compassion
• Being able to demonstrate creativity (thinking outside the box) when faced with a problem
• Being appropriately assertive when asking for what one needs
• Ability to rewrite negative scripts to take control of and re-direct thoughts and behaviors
• Self-acceptance

At Home - What adults can do:

• Role model resilient behaviors:
• Encourage and articulate problem solving strategies.
• Demonstrate active listening when speaking with your child.
• Demonstrate empathic communication.
• Demonstrate sustained effort and goal setting.
• Praise you child for his/her effort rather than being "smart"
• Encourage creative problem solving with your children.
• Encourage kind and caring behaviors
• Encourage cooperation when dealing with others
• Encourage your child to express gratitude

At School:

• Social Emotional Learning - 5 components: Self awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills, responsible decision making and problem solving
• Teachers role modeling empathic behaviors
• Encouraging the conflict resolution strategies which focus on perspective taking
• Encourage risk taking when it comes to new learning
• Reinforcement of effort as opposed to intelligence.
• Behavior management (being aware of strategies for self-management)
• Awareness of behaviors the are expected/unexpected and their impact on others (schoolwide initiative)
• Communication with parents through SEL blog
• Mindfulness
• Passports to World Culture (awareness of and respect for diversity)

Areas related to Resilience which are focused upon in SEL classes and throughout the day:

• Empathy
• Gratitude
• Empathic communication
• Perspective taking
• Re-writing negative scripts
• Accepting ourselves for who we are
• Making decisions/solving problems
• Learning from mistakes
• Learning self-management

While this is just an outline of my presentation, it gives an idea of what you, as loving caregivers, and we, as nurturing faculty, can focus upon as we develop kind, caring, resilient and empathic individuals!

What to do when you're "Bombaloo"!

In last week's SEL classes, we addressed some of the emotions that make us at times feel scared or out of control, as well as some of the ways we can manage them. Our younger students were read various stories designed to acknowledge feelings of anger, and what to do with these feelings. One of our favorite books is "Sometimes I'm Bombaloo" by Rachael Vail and Yumi Heo, and I had the opportunity to read it aloud to the 2nd Graders. They were riveted by the story of Katie Honors, a self-described good kid who brushes her teeth and performs other chores with a positive attitude. In fact most of the time she feels pretty happy except when her little brother continually knocks down the castles she constructs with colorful blocks. Then she becomes "bombaloo", which is the name she gives this feeling of extreme anger which frightens her and causes her to use her feet and fists instead of her words. With a little help form her mother, and time by herself to think and take deep breaths, she eventually calms down and repairs her rift with her brother.
The 2nd Graders loved being able to relate some of the experiences which make them "bombaloo", as well as ways they can calm down. Speaking to trusted adults was mentioned many times, a tribute to the grown ups who love and nurture them.
We completed our lesson with ways to self-calm after removing oneself from an emotional situation. We modeled deep relaxing breaths, gently inhaling for 3 seconds, holding the breath for 3 seconds then slowly exhaling for 3 seconds. Each child was allowed to hold a colorful feather in order to gage the gentleness of their breath, and to our delight, they loved this exercise!
We talked about how relaxing breaths can make us feel calm even when we are not feeling an intense emotion.
And of course, Marilena's adaptation of this activity to a movement related exercise invited the children to sit and practice this breathing exercise after being tagged by a designated student!
We will continue to practice these types of relaxation exercises as the year moves along so that our students can learn to manage their emotions when faced with challenges. Hopefully they will use these strategies in other environments as well!

inhaling for 3 seconds, holding the breath for 3 seconds then slowly exhaling for 3 seconds

Bones

Halloween is just around the corner and it is a great time of the year to learn about our skeleton.  The students are learning about the structure of their body and how important it is .  They are learning what their bones are made of, what their purpose is, and how they work. The students are going to be putting together a skeleton and learning the different names of the bones.  Here is a link for more information on your bones.  http://kidshealth.org/kid/cancer_center/HTBW/bones.html#

3rd Graders putting the bones together

Mr. Bones

1st Grade doing exercises