Childhood Resilience

On Wednesday, November 12th I had the pleasure of addressing some of our parents at the Lower School coffee. Having the opportunity to talk about childhood resilience was both exciting but daunting, considering not only the many factors involved in the formation of a resilient child, but also the time constraints I had to follow! But thanks to the patience of everyone there, I was able to cover a few of those aspects of resilience that we as caring and nurturing adults can consider as we prepare our children to deal with adversity and diversity in their increasingly globalized world. So I am presenting an outline of my talk and encourage you to comment, ask questions or drop in to my office to chat more about this important topic if you'd like! And do overlook the typos please!!!

Resilience - November 12, 2014

“Resilient children, those who are happy and successful, learn to manage their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in part through the common denominator of living, working with and being educated by available and caring adults.” - Robert Brooks, Ph.D.

What is resilience?

• The ability of a child to cope with everyday challenges, to bounce back from disappointments, adversity, to develop clear and realistic goals, to solve problems, to relate comfortably with others, and to treat oneself and others with respect.

Why has this become such an important topic?

As our children’s world becomes more globalized, they are confronted with numerous challenges and demands. Their overall success will depend upon their ability to be self-aware as they set personal, academic social and career goals. Additionally, their ability to empathize and learn from mistakes will enhance empathic communications as they interact with others whose viewpoints and cultures differ from theirs.

How does resilience affect academic performance? Social interactions? Personal coping and problem solving?

Academic Performance:

• Sustained effort in the face of challenge
• Coping with failure
• Learning from mistakes
• Problem solving
• Goal setting
• Eagerness to engage in new learning
• Awareness of personal strengths

Social Interactions:

• Ability to initiate and maintain friendships
• Ability to empathize/put self in the shoes of another
• Being able to communicate empathically and reciprocally
• Understanding the importance of both verbal and nonverbal communication
• Understanding the impact of one’s behaviors on others
• Ability to manage one’s emotions
• Ability to inhibit impulses when interacting with others
• ability to withstand peer pressure
• Ability to express gratitude and appreciation

Personal coping:

• Ability to label and understand one’s emotions
• Ability to understand and appreciate others’ emotions
• Establishing personal goals and sub-goals.
• Developing effective strategies for coping with disappointment
• Sustained effort despite challenges - not giving up
• Being able to ask for assistance from trusted peers and adults
• Being able to communicate with compassion
• Being able to demonstrate creativity (thinking outside the box) when faced with a problem
• Being appropriately assertive when asking for what one needs
• Ability to rewrite negative scripts to take control of and re-direct thoughts and behaviors
• Self-acceptance

At Home - What adults can do:

• Role model resilient behaviors:
• Encourage and articulate problem solving strategies.
• Demonstrate active listening when speaking with your child.
• Demonstrate empathic communication.
• Demonstrate sustained effort and goal setting.
• Praise you child for his/her effort rather than being "smart"
• Encourage creative problem solving with your children.
• Encourage kind and caring behaviors
• Encourage cooperation when dealing with others
• Encourage your child to express gratitude

At School:

• Social Emotional Learning - 5 components: Self awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills, responsible decision making and problem solving
• Teachers role modeling empathic behaviors
• Encouraging the conflict resolution strategies which focus on perspective taking
• Encourage risk taking when it comes to new learning
• Reinforcement of effort as opposed to intelligence.
• Behavior management (being aware of strategies for self-management)
• Awareness of behaviors the are expected/unexpected and their impact on others (schoolwide initiative)
• Communication with parents through SEL blog
• Mindfulness
• Passports to World Culture (awareness of and respect for diversity)

Areas related to Resilience which are focused upon in SEL classes and throughout the day:

• Empathy
• Gratitude
• Empathic communication
• Perspective taking
• Re-writing negative scripts
• Accepting ourselves for who we are
• Making decisions/solving problems
• Learning from mistakes
• Learning self-management

While this is just an outline of my presentation, it gives an idea of what you, as loving caregivers, and we, as nurturing faculty, can focus upon as we develop kind, caring, resilient and empathic individuals!