So many feelings!

Is it possible to feel more than 1 feeling at the same time? Marilena and I posed this question to our students this week, as we encouraged them to talk about the diverse feelings around returning to school. Our goals were twofold: Help them to label the diversity of feelings they experience around this transition, and of equal importance, become aware of the feelings of their peers. This level of perspective taking is ultimately designed to make students aware of the feelings of friends who are new to Berwick, and to demonstrate empathy and inclusion.

I am a great believer in visual aids to assist in processing and organizing thoughts. Our Social Thinking poster (you know – the yellow one with the 2 hands with a skill emanating from each finger for a total of 10 that is in every classroom) is a great example of the types of visuals I like to use. So for the 3^rd and 4^th Graders, I decided to use one of David Hyerle’s Thinking maps to help the children visualize and process all of the different emotions around the 1^st week of school. In The Circle Map and Frame (see below), students were encouraged to write anything they could think of associated with returning to school – anything from new shoes, to new classrooms, to recess, lunch, friends, etc. Outside of the circle, they were encouraged to label the feelings associated with each item.

As you can imagine, the responses were quite diverse. Folks were pretty happy about the new shoes and seeing friends, but expressed various feelings regarding new classrooms and expectations. Nervousness about amount of homework, sadness regarding the end of Summer vacation, joyfulness about getting back to Art class, shyness about making new friends were only a few of the emotions  that were expressed. And as you can also imagine, the new students expressed more curiosity and anxiety, but also excitement and relief.

Learning to hold and cope with a variety of feelings simultaneously was effectively addressed through labeling, and allowed the students to identify strategies when feelings become too overwhelming. They named a variety of trusted family members, siblings, friends and school staff with whom to share their concerns, and also talked about how they could be the trusted ones when friends need help.

For our little ones, some readings and role playing will allow for the expressions of emotions, as well as the naming of strategies for coping with them. “Rainbow Fish” is one of Marilena’s favorites and will provide a lesson in perspective taking, empathy and friendship skills.

At home, it’s great to talk to your children about their feelings, and how we can feel opposite feelings at the same time. It’s fun to ask them what kinds of situations would prompt conflicting feelings. For example, going to the doctor because you are ill makes us both nervous and relieved because we know that will feel better afterwards. You can name some situations for the younger children, and for older ones, have them create them. This will give you a window into the types of situations that produce the variety of emotions that you see.

Below is a compilation of the feelings our students expressed about the beginning of school!

Welcome Back!

Don’t you just love the first day of school? It never ceases to amaze us how children can grow so much in such a short period of time! Marilena and I had the pleasure of greeting the children and their parents upon their return from summer and as expected, their exuberance once again permeated the air. They expressed varying levels of readiness, mixed feelings, and excitement about seeing friends and being in new classrooms. Many of them were feeling normal levels of anxiety as well, as reported by their parents after classroom drop off!

As a matter of course, we address issues around initial anxiety right from the beginning of the year: naming feelings, understanding the reasons for those feelings, and finding various ways to cope with them. In our social emotional learning classes, Marilena and I are hoping to expand on the children’s “feelings vocabulary”, so they will be better able to identify the subtleties between such feelings as “disappointment” and “frustration”.  The ability to do this enables the adoption of the most appropriate strategy when needed.

This approach was validated by Marc Brackett,PhD, Director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence.  We were fortunate to have him speak to our faculty before the start of school, about his RULER approach to SEL. RULER is an acronym which refers to the 5 components of the program, which align closely to ours here at Berwick.  His emphasis on the importance of emotional intelligence and self-regulation will be addressed in various ways throughout the year.

In Kindergarten, 1^st and 2^nd grades, we will process “back to school” feelings by labeling the physical underpinnings of emotions, and what we can do when we feel them. Showing where feelings are in the body through diagrams will allow the children to see where those feelings reside as they come to understand the reasons for them. We will also role play solutions for dealing with these emotions, and these will include talking to a trusted person about them. Relaxation techniques for self-regulation will also be a critical component.

Processing feelings in the 3^rd Grade will be done through discussions of where emotions are in our body, as well as how we deal with them in appropriate and meaningful ways. The idea of perspective taking in this class will be taught as we encourage the students to advocate for their peers as well as for themselves. A diagram showing a feelings thermometer will give the students a visual aid to record the intensity of the emotion they feel, as they assess what to do about this emotion.

In the 4^th Grade, the discussions and recording of feelings under various circumstances will be done initially in pairs, as students exchange ideas and thoughts about beginning school. The goal of this is to have the students validate each other’s’ anxieties, fears, or excitement, and establish common solutions for how to deal with them. We will then come together to create a “thinking map” of our collection of feelings and solutions. This visual will allow the students to see the wide variety of emotions associated with school, ranging from elation to anxiety, and everything in between!

The provision of a safe and validating community will enhance the students’ ability to identify, label and cope with feelings which may inhibit academic or social performance. We aim to provide that environment for the children as they learn to care for themselves and for others with empathy and compassion.

Marilena and I are excited to be able to combine social emotional learning with physical movement, mindfulness and yoga this year. All of these will contribute to the “whole child” approach to learning, which BA is dedicated to providing for our children!

Sorry for blurting out but.....

....I have to say it before I forget! Does your child ever say that to you? Even though we teach our children the importance of turn taking at home and in school, their exuberance often results in wanting to respond to or share information quickly. When this happens, we adults try to remind our children that although we want to hear what they have to say, they need to wait until the appropriate time to speak so as to give others equal time. Usually, that is when I hear the comment that always brings a smile to my face - "But I have to say it before I forget"!

In response to this, I posed a thoughtful question to Mrs.Williams' Kindergarten class last week. I asked them to help me to think of ways to wait our turn when we have something we really want to say. The answers I received were more than I could have imagined. One youngster suggested that making "duck lips" (holding your lips together) prevents you from blurting out. I tried it and it worked! I held my lips together, tried to speak and voila! Nothing! Another student recommended holding the thought in your mind for as long as possible until you had the chance to say it. Not a bad idea. I especially liked the idea of whispering the thought into your hands (I'll have to try that one).

After hearing a few more suggestions, I decided to present the ultimate challenge to the entire class: Could they, as a team, put these suggestions to work by remembering not to speak out in class when a teacher is giving a lesson or when they are supposed to be working quietly? And if, every few minutes or so, their teacher put a beautifully colored glass bead into a vase when they could resist the urge to talk out, could they earn something special? And if they could fill that vase with those beautiful beads, what could they earn?

That's when the conversation got animated. I wrote their suggestions down as fast as I could, as the children and Mrs, Williams listed such ideas as a few extra minutes of recess, extra brain breaks, extra time on the iPads, and even a dance party! But when one boy raised his hand (yay!) and said that the class should have the opportunity to play on the turf field, the entire class cheered!
This conversation happened a week ago, and I am happy to report that it took only one week to get that vase filled (I was honored to be invited to the official announcement). As Mrs. Williams dropped that final bead into the vase, she announced that the class would be paying on the turf field that very day!

I am so proud of our Kindergarten children for their understanding of the importance of turn taking. Their ability to respect the perspectives of others is rewarded externally by beads and an ultimate treat. But more importantly, our goal is the internalization of response inhibition so that our children can communicate more effectively and respectfully with others.  The praise they receive for doing this is already superseding the tangible reward, and I am amazed at how little time this is actually taking! So do praise your kindergartners for their hard work and for being such empathic individuals.

Before we know it, there won't be one pair of duck lips in the class!

What would you do if you wanted to eat a snack?

OK here's a problem for you.... You're a first grader, working hard in class, when you begin to feel like you could go for a snack right about now. What do you do? Well, you could grab someone else's snack, or you could walk out of class and go to the cafeteria to see what's there, or you could ask the teacher if you could have a snack. Which would you choose? This, and other related dilemmas were posed to the first graders last week in SEL class, in order to get them to get them to consider the consequences of the choices they make in the course of their day. We talked about these consequences as they relate not only to inhibiting impulsive responses, but also with regard to social appropriateness and the perspectives and feelings of others. Michelle Garcia Winner, whose Social Thinking curriculum focuses on the learning of "expected vs. unexpected" behaviors, asks us to think of the consequences of our actions in relation to how we are perceived by others based on the choices we make. Do we make choices that are empathic and kind? Or are we mainly interested in getting our way without seeing how our behaviors impact the feelings of our peers? And how will these choices ultimately affect our friendships and relationships with peers and adults?

In response to these questions, we asked the first graders to pair up and brainstorm 3 solutions to various problems, consider the consequences of each one, choose the best solution and tell why they chose that one. Quite an assignment for these youngsters, or, so we thought!

Once again, we were amazed by the thoughtfulness and imagination of our children, but more importantly, the empathy and wisdom of their responses. One pair of students decided that grabbing someone else's snack would result in being considered a bad friend. Going to the cafeteria would result in getting in trouble for not asking. But asking if you could have a snack would be the most appropriate solution because you would more than likely be granted permission to have it if you made a polite request! Other dilemmas included what to do if someone says something mean to you, or if you raise your hand and are not called on, etc. All of this brainstorming resulted in responses that are indicative of the "expected/unexpected" behaviors that they are taught, but also that these children can self monitor and inhibit unproductive responses in favor of those that foster friendship, adherence to social norms, and safety in obeying rules.

Children as young as 6 years old know these concepts as their executive functioning capacities develop. As parents and caregivers, we know that the ability to delay impulsive responding, to monitor our responses to determine their appropriateness, and to consider the perspectives of those to whom we respond involves higher order thinking that result in satisfying and meaningful relationships. So go ahead and do some of these kinds of problem solving exercises with your children and be sure to ask them what they feel the consequences of their choices would be as they choose the best alternative. Developing cause and effect thinking is a critical part of growing up!

So...what would you do if you wanted to eat a snack?

How to turn an enemy into a friend!

Has this ever happened to you? Life is going along really well, and as your summer vacation approaches you anticipate that it will be the best summer of your life? But then someone moves into your neighborhood, laughs at you when he strikes you out at baseball, invites your best friend to his birthday party but not you? And just won’t go away? Well this is exactly what happened to the protagonist (I’ll call him “Nick”) in the book “Enemy Pie”, wonderfully written by Derek Munson. In last week’s SEL classes, we read how Nick’s clever dad helped Nick to rid himself of his worst (and only) enemy in 1 day! Dad said he would bake an enemy pie for Jeremy Ross (enemy #1).  Nick could only imagine what gross and disgusting ingredients the pie would contain, which might result in any number of horrors, the worst being that Jeremy’s breath could become forever stinky! However, in order to make it work, Nick’s job was to spend the entire day with Jeremy Ross, and worse yet, he had to be nice to him! Then at the end of the day, Jeremy Ross would stay for dinner and be fed the dreaded pie for desert.

The children found this story riveting, as they predicted not only the creepy things that would go into the pie (worms, caterpillars, rocks, leaves, etc…), but how the boys might resolve their differences, if at all. A number of the children considered the possibility that after a day together, the boys might actually have fun, find commonalities and become friends, which is exactly what happened! When Nick and Jeremy Ross shared what was a delicious fruit pie at the end of their fun filled day, Nick realized that he had indeed “lost his best enemy” forever! 

After some discussion around the topic of making friends, even with those who we may not initially like so much, the students processed ways to work through these feelings for more positive outcomes. The first Graders paired up to draw posters, all of which reflected the importance of kindness, compromise and compassion. The 2^nd Graders paired up to list ways to turn an enemy into a friend, which they wrote above a drawing of a pie steaming with bugs, worms and other creepy things. Their ideas were inspiring as they shared such thoughts as talking through differences, compromising on activities they would like to do, focusing on their similarities instead of differences, and discovering the unexpected joys of making new friends.

I love watching our students as they brainstorm solutions to social problems almost as much as I love hearing the actual solutions and seeing the heartfelt art they produce during these classes. At home, it is good to review with them the stories we read and ask what they learned in class. Even more important would be to ask them how they would use these lessons outside of school – in the neighborhood; as a member of a sports team or at Summer camp. The ability to generalize learned concepts to other environments is crucial to smooth social functioning both in and out of school, because you never know when a “Jeremy Ross” will move into your life!

If you had to choose, what would you do?

We all know that setting goals is important to success in all areas of our lives. In Social Emotional Learning, we aspire to having our students become empathic individuals who are able to appreciate theirs and others’ viewpoints in this increasingly global environment. With this in mind, our 3^rd Graders (with the help of Mrs. Martin), have implemented personal and class goals which they discuss each Monday. They define the goal, and talk about ways in which the goal can be applied both in and out of the classroom. As the week progresses, the students have the opportunity for self-assessment to see how well they perform, as well as those areas where they could improve.

The first goal, established a few weeks ago, was “showing respect”. In our Social Emotional Learning class, we read a short story from the book titled: “If You Had to Choose, What Would You Do?” by Sandra McLeod Humphrey. This book is a treasure-trove of problem solving scenarios to get students to think about a moral dilemma and brainstorm solutions that are empathic and respectful. In the story “Double the Money”, the main character (Tara), was mistakenly paid double her fee for tending her neighbor’s garden. Tara was saving for a bike which was going up for auction in 2 weeks and the extra money would ensure the likelihood that she would be able to buy it. So the dilemma was: Should she keep the money for the highly coveted bike, or should she return it?

This reading was discussed by pairs of students who then reported to the entire group how they would solve this dilemma. And once again, I was in awe of the level of empathy the students displayed. But even more impressive were the solutions they arrived at in order to earn the money that had been overpaid! A few of the students offered to clean her garage, while others would do extra gardening, or not accept payment for the following week’s work. The students presented a variety of creative responses which indicated honesty, resourcefulness, and respect for the feelings of others. These heartfelt responses reinforced how teaching respect and ethics to our young children is internalized and demonstrated in so many ways.

Young children love to do these kinds of problem solving exercises, and research indicates that reading comprehension is improved when they do. Moral reasoning enhances empathy, but also creative thinking, negotiating, perspective taking and critical thinking – all important to success in school and in relationships.

So encourage your children to problem solve by asking them to predict what might happen in a story, or by asking them to solve a moral dilemma. They will enjoy it and you will be amazed by their responses and feel proud of them (and yourselves) for raising ethical and empathic individuals!

Nutrition Tag about Myplate

3-30-2015
This week the students learned about Myplate.  We as parents want to make sure our children eat the right things.  Myplate is a color coded place setting to help people visualize the foods they eat.  We played a Nutrition game based off the book the "Lorax".  The students were divided into two teams and had to work together to build a healthy plate of food.  They had to make sure that their plate had a fruit, vegetable, protein, grain, and a dairy.  This was represented by the different noodle colors that corresponds to Myplate. (blue:dairy, purple:protein, Red: fruit, green:vegetable, orange:grain)  The"Lorax" (students) have to collect the seeds to build their "Truffula" trees.  The students had to be careful not to get tagged by the “Once-ler.” (taggers)  If they got tagged, they had to be saved by their teammates, so they could go back to collecting seeds.  We added fats and oils to the second and third rounds of this game.  The Lorax had to get rid of the fats/oils by running a lap around the gym.  Check out the Myplate site: http://www.fns.usda.gov/sites/default/files/MyPlateAtHome.pdf