Sorry for blurting out but.....

....I have to say it before I forget! Does your child ever say that to you? Even though we teach our children the importance of turn taking at home and in school, their exuberance often results in wanting to respond to or share information quickly. When this happens, we adults try to remind our children that although we want to hear what they have to say, they need to wait until the appropriate time to speak so as to give others equal time. Usually, that is when I hear the comment that always brings a smile to my face - "But I have to say it before I forget"!

In response to this, I posed a thoughtful question to Mrs.Williams' Kindergarten class last week. I asked them to help me to think of ways to wait our turn when we have something we really want to say. The answers I received were more than I could have imagined. One youngster suggested that making "duck lips" (holding your lips together) prevents you from blurting out. I tried it and it worked! I held my lips together, tried to speak and voila! Nothing! Another student recommended holding the thought in your mind for as long as possible until you had the chance to say it. Not a bad idea. I especially liked the idea of whispering the thought into your hands (I'll have to try that one).

After hearing a few more suggestions, I decided to present the ultimate challenge to the entire class: Could they, as a team, put these suggestions to work by remembering not to speak out in class when a teacher is giving a lesson or when they are supposed to be working quietly? And if, every few minutes or so, their teacher put a beautifully colored glass bead into a vase when they could resist the urge to talk out, could they earn something special? And if they could fill that vase with those beautiful beads, what could they earn?

That's when the conversation got animated. I wrote their suggestions down as fast as I could, as the children and Mrs, Williams listed such ideas as a few extra minutes of recess, extra brain breaks, extra time on the iPads, and even a dance party! But when one boy raised his hand (yay!) and said that the class should have the opportunity to play on the turf field, the entire class cheered!
This conversation happened a week ago, and I am happy to report that it took only one week to get that vase filled (I was honored to be invited to the official announcement). As Mrs. Williams dropped that final bead into the vase, she announced that the class would be paying on the turf field that very day!

I am so proud of our Kindergarten children for their understanding of the importance of turn taking. Their ability to respect the perspectives of others is rewarded externally by beads and an ultimate treat. But more importantly, our goal is the internalization of response inhibition so that our children can communicate more effectively and respectfully with others.  The praise they receive for doing this is already superseding the tangible reward, and I am amazed at how little time this is actually taking! So do praise your kindergartners for their hard work and for being such empathic individuals.

Before we know it, there won't be one pair of duck lips in the class!

What would you do if you wanted to eat a snack?

OK here's a problem for you.... You're a first grader, working hard in class, when you begin to feel like you could go for a snack right about now. What do you do? Well, you could grab someone else's snack, or you could walk out of class and go to the cafeteria to see what's there, or you could ask the teacher if you could have a snack. Which would you choose? This, and other related dilemmas were posed to the first graders last week in SEL class, in order to get them to get them to consider the consequences of the choices they make in the course of their day. We talked about these consequences as they relate not only to inhibiting impulsive responses, but also with regard to social appropriateness and the perspectives and feelings of others. Michelle Garcia Winner, whose Social Thinking curriculum focuses on the learning of "expected vs. unexpected" behaviors, asks us to think of the consequences of our actions in relation to how we are perceived by others based on the choices we make. Do we make choices that are empathic and kind? Or are we mainly interested in getting our way without seeing how our behaviors impact the feelings of our peers? And how will these choices ultimately affect our friendships and relationships with peers and adults?

In response to these questions, we asked the first graders to pair up and brainstorm 3 solutions to various problems, consider the consequences of each one, choose the best solution and tell why they chose that one. Quite an assignment for these youngsters, or, so we thought!

Once again, we were amazed by the thoughtfulness and imagination of our children, but more importantly, the empathy and wisdom of their responses. One pair of students decided that grabbing someone else's snack would result in being considered a bad friend. Going to the cafeteria would result in getting in trouble for not asking. But asking if you could have a snack would be the most appropriate solution because you would more than likely be granted permission to have it if you made a polite request! Other dilemmas included what to do if someone says something mean to you, or if you raise your hand and are not called on, etc. All of this brainstorming resulted in responses that are indicative of the "expected/unexpected" behaviors that they are taught, but also that these children can self monitor and inhibit unproductive responses in favor of those that foster friendship, adherence to social norms, and safety in obeying rules.

Children as young as 6 years old know these concepts as their executive functioning capacities develop. As parents and caregivers, we know that the ability to delay impulsive responding, to monitor our responses to determine their appropriateness, and to consider the perspectives of those to whom we respond involves higher order thinking that result in satisfying and meaningful relationships. So go ahead and do some of these kinds of problem solving exercises with your children and be sure to ask them what they feel the consequences of their choices would be as they choose the best alternative. Developing cause and effect thinking is a critical part of growing up!

So...what would you do if you wanted to eat a snack?

How to turn an enemy into a friend!

Has this ever happened to you? Life is going along really well, and as your summer vacation approaches you anticipate that it will be the best summer of your life? But then someone moves into your neighborhood, laughs at you when he strikes you out at baseball, invites your best friend to his birthday party but not you? And just won’t go away? Well this is exactly what happened to the protagonist (I’ll call him “Nick”) in the book “Enemy Pie”, wonderfully written by Derek Munson. In last week’s SEL classes, we read how Nick’s clever dad helped Nick to rid himself of his worst (and only) enemy in 1 day! Dad said he would bake an enemy pie for Jeremy Ross (enemy #1).  Nick could only imagine what gross and disgusting ingredients the pie would contain, which might result in any number of horrors, the worst being that Jeremy’s breath could become forever stinky! However, in order to make it work, Nick’s job was to spend the entire day with Jeremy Ross, and worse yet, he had to be nice to him! Then at the end of the day, Jeremy Ross would stay for dinner and be fed the dreaded pie for desert.

The children found this story riveting, as they predicted not only the creepy things that would go into the pie (worms, caterpillars, rocks, leaves, etc…), but how the boys might resolve their differences, if at all. A number of the children considered the possibility that after a day together, the boys might actually have fun, find commonalities and become friends, which is exactly what happened! When Nick and Jeremy Ross shared what was a delicious fruit pie at the end of their fun filled day, Nick realized that he had indeed “lost his best enemy” forever! 

After some discussion around the topic of making friends, even with those who we may not initially like so much, the students processed ways to work through these feelings for more positive outcomes. The first Graders paired up to draw posters, all of which reflected the importance of kindness, compromise and compassion. The 2^nd Graders paired up to list ways to turn an enemy into a friend, which they wrote above a drawing of a pie steaming with bugs, worms and other creepy things. Their ideas were inspiring as they shared such thoughts as talking through differences, compromising on activities they would like to do, focusing on their similarities instead of differences, and discovering the unexpected joys of making new friends.

I love watching our students as they brainstorm solutions to social problems almost as much as I love hearing the actual solutions and seeing the heartfelt art they produce during these classes. At home, it is good to review with them the stories we read and ask what they learned in class. Even more important would be to ask them how they would use these lessons outside of school – in the neighborhood; as a member of a sports team or at Summer camp. The ability to generalize learned concepts to other environments is crucial to smooth social functioning both in and out of school, because you never know when a “Jeremy Ross” will move into your life!

If you had to choose, what would you do?

We all know that setting goals is important to success in all areas of our lives. In Social Emotional Learning, we aspire to having our students become empathic individuals who are able to appreciate theirs and others’ viewpoints in this increasingly global environment. With this in mind, our 3^rd Graders (with the help of Mrs. Martin), have implemented personal and class goals which they discuss each Monday. They define the goal, and talk about ways in which the goal can be applied both in and out of the classroom. As the week progresses, the students have the opportunity for self-assessment to see how well they perform, as well as those areas where they could improve.

The first goal, established a few weeks ago, was “showing respect”. In our Social Emotional Learning class, we read a short story from the book titled: “If You Had to Choose, What Would You Do?” by Sandra McLeod Humphrey. This book is a treasure-trove of problem solving scenarios to get students to think about a moral dilemma and brainstorm solutions that are empathic and respectful. In the story “Double the Money”, the main character (Tara), was mistakenly paid double her fee for tending her neighbor’s garden. Tara was saving for a bike which was going up for auction in 2 weeks and the extra money would ensure the likelihood that she would be able to buy it. So the dilemma was: Should she keep the money for the highly coveted bike, or should she return it?

This reading was discussed by pairs of students who then reported to the entire group how they would solve this dilemma. And once again, I was in awe of the level of empathy the students displayed. But even more impressive were the solutions they arrived at in order to earn the money that had been overpaid! A few of the students offered to clean her garage, while others would do extra gardening, or not accept payment for the following week’s work. The students presented a variety of creative responses which indicated honesty, resourcefulness, and respect for the feelings of others. These heartfelt responses reinforced how teaching respect and ethics to our young children is internalized and demonstrated in so many ways.

Young children love to do these kinds of problem solving exercises, and research indicates that reading comprehension is improved when they do. Moral reasoning enhances empathy, but also creative thinking, negotiating, perspective taking and critical thinking – all important to success in school and in relationships.

So encourage your children to problem solve by asking them to predict what might happen in a story, or by asking them to solve a moral dilemma. They will enjoy it and you will be amazed by their responses and feel proud of them (and yourselves) for raising ethical and empathic individuals!

Nutrition Tag about Myplate

3-30-2015
This week the students learned about Myplate.  We as parents want to make sure our children eat the right things.  Myplate is a color coded place setting to help people visualize the foods they eat.  We played a Nutrition game based off the book the "Lorax".  The students were divided into two teams and had to work together to build a healthy plate of food.  They had to make sure that their plate had a fruit, vegetable, protein, grain, and a dairy.  This was represented by the different noodle colors that corresponds to Myplate. (blue:dairy, purple:protein, Red: fruit, green:vegetable, orange:grain)  The"Lorax" (students) have to collect the seeds to build their "Truffula" trees.  The students had to be careful not to get tagged by the “Once-ler.” (taggers)  If they got tagged, they had to be saved by their teammates, so they could go back to collecting seeds.  We added fats and oils to the second and third rounds of this game.  The Lorax had to get rid of the fats/oils by running a lap around the gym.  Check out the Myplate site: http://www.fns.usda.gov/sites/default/files/MyPlateAtHome.pdf
   

Inferencing and Empathy

Did you know that at least 85% of our communication is non-verbal? We can say something to someone else, but the way we say it  - our tone of voice and body language can give one statement various meanings. For example, if your friend has a new hairstyle, she can infer that you like it if you look her in the eye and your voice is sincere and positive. However, if you avoid making eye contact, or roll your eyes while your voice reflects uncertainty, she may infer that she needs a new stylist!

Teaching our children to infer allows them to surmise the meaning of a situation without all of the information given. They do this through the understanding of cause and effect, ability to “read the room”, to draw information from facial expressions and gestures, and access their own prior knowledge of the situation. Inferencing is “higher order thinking” and becomes more critical over the years.

Why is this important? From an academic standpoint, being able to infer has been shown to improve reading comprehension, as children can better attach their own “schema”, to understand the motivations of characters in a story. From a resilience standpoint, if a child can infer a situation from context and from nonverbal information, he/she is in a better position to find more appropriate solutions to problems encountered throughout the day. From an empathic standpoint, it has been shown that the ability to infer the feelings and motivations of others allows us to demonstrate empathy and compassion more effectively as we appreciate both the commonalities and diversities of those with whom we interact.

As we focus more on the importance of global education, the ability to empathize becomes highly meaningful. I was fortunate to observe Krysta Zambroski read “Probuditi” by Chris Van Allsburg to our 2^nd Graders, encouraging them to infer and predict the outcome of a very intriguing story about a boy who “supposedly” hypnotized his sister, turning her into a dog! It was delightful to see their faces light up with anticipation as the story unfolded, guessing what might happen next, knowing that this boy was about to get into a bit of hot water.

So Marilena and I decided to see how their inferencing abilities would play out in our SEL class. We asked them to guess both the feelings as well as the situation promoting these feelings by presenting a scenario with successive bits of information leading to their guessing the complete motivation behind the character’s actions. For example, the 1^st scenario:

A – Your friend’s eyes are red and she has a sad face. (The children guess that she is upset and crying).

B – Your friend’s eyes are red, she has a sad face, and she is sneezing. (The children guess that she has a cold).

C – Your friend’s eyes are red, she has a sad face, she is sneezing and has to go to the nurse’s office. (Now she has the flu!).

D – Your friend’s eyes are red, she has a sad face, she is sneezing, has to go to the nurse’s office and her Mom is coming to pick her up (She really sick so needs to go home and rest, or go to the doctor).

Now we have a complete picture, based on the children’s’ own prior experience, allowing them to put bits of nonverbal information together to guess what is going on. But more importantly, we then discuss what we can to do show empathy to our friend, and some wonderful examples of compassion emerge.

Marilena takes this and runs with it (literally) by having the students play a game of tag where the person tagged can be rescued by making an empathic statement to the rescuer, who then presents that person with a beanbag with which to rescue someone else who has been tagged. This is such a wonderful exercise, allowing our students to be thoughtful in how they address their peers and demonstrate the kind of caring that we endorse throughout their day.

This is a fun exercise that parents and caregivers can do at home! Make up a scenario and give your child just a bit of information, starting with a feeling (use feelings faces to augment if you wish). Add a few more bits of information until your child infers the meaning of the situation. Then discuss how to show compassion in addressing it. Your child will surprise you with all that he/she can infer!

Stereotypes

As we prepared to honor the birthday or Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. last Friday the 16^th, our SEL classes focused on the limiting aspects of stereotyping. In the younger grades, Marilena and I questioned some age old gender stereotypes though role playing activities and reading such books as “Oliver Button is a Sissy” and “The Paper Bag Princess”, where the not so beautiful princess rescues a handsome prince from a fire breathing dragon by her wit as opposed to physical prowess. We also attempted to isolate which academic subjects are unique to boys and which are to girls, and were delighted to conclude that there are none! Boys and girls have equal abilities in math, science, music, art, etc.!

 Having said that, our 3^rd and 4^th Graders were posed the question: “If girls and boys can, and should be entitled to do whichever activities appeal to them, then why is it that toy stores continue to feature blue sections and pink sections? Why do we find more sports oriented toys in the blue section and more dolls in the pink section? This is where we begin to engage in the critical thinking process with our students – not taking information at face value, but asking the type of question that Dr. King asked so many years ago – why does color dictate who we are allowed to be from the moment we are born?

We thought about how best to address the issue of stereotypes and concluded that being self-aware and proud of who we are would be wonderful first steps. With that accomplished, we would then be better able to accept and appreciate differences in others on a more empathic level. So, with the help and participation of the Lower school, featuring our amazing 4^th Graders, we created a video which reflects the diverse passions, characters and personalities of our students, teachers and various administrators. The instant support of everyone involved was moving, considering the time constraints of this production.

 It would not have been possible without the dedication of everyone involved, but especially Marilena Canuto, whose tireless effort and technical expertise made this dream a reality. And Wendy Harrington’s help with the time lapse segment was greatly appreciated by us all. I am in awe of them and the Lower School teachers (especially Roz and Mark) for saying “yes” in a big way to this project.

I hope you enjoy this video as much as we enjoyed producing it. As you watch it, think about Dr. King’s vision for our children as they move along and face present and future global challenges. Knowing and being proud of who they are, what they have to offer and how they treat others will have life changing outcomes for them and the people who will be fortunate enough to know them!