The past few weeks in SEL have focused on how we react to
problems and how our reactions affect our peers, family members and other
people in our lives. There are times when we might overreact to situations
which trigger our anxieties about a stressful past event, or something with
which we have very little control. As adults, when this happens, it is important
to have the self-management and problem solving skills needed to calm down and
re-focus on more appropriate ways to deal with our anger, anxiety, etc. Being
able to label our feelings and the level of their intensity, and to manage our
emotional responses is critical for our social/emotional well-being. Further,
the ability to find solutions, seek help if needed, and repair any social
damage wrought by our reactions is equally important, as we come to appreciate
the perspectives of others with whom we interact.
So, if as adults, we understand the importance of the above
concepts, how do we help our children to achieve this level of self and social
awareness? How do we teach them that when they overreact to a problem, it is
not only detrimental to their self-concept, but to their relationships as well.
And if they do overreact, how can they then find the strategies to control
their emotions and consider how their actions impact others?
In Grades Kindergarten through 4, Marilena and I introduced
a colorful rubric that was adapted from “The Incredible 5 Point Scale”,
developed by Michelle Garcia Winner, developer of the Social Thinking Program (www.socialthinking.com). It has been a
valuable resource for us as we help the students identify through this visual
in which “zone” their problem lies. If it’s green, it’s not a real problem so
we can feel calm and relaxed. If it’s blue, we might feel uncomfortable or
disappointed but we can handle it pretty well. The yellow zone sees us feeling
pretty sad, nervous or irritated, which indicates a greater problem. Orange is
pretty serious and might require the assistance of a trusted friend or adult,
and red represents a situation where there is danger or where we feel unsafe or
there is an emergency.
After explaining that the size of our reaction should match
the size of the problem, we role played situations and had the children
identify which zone they fell into and how we might solve them. For example,
Marilena (a.k.a. Grumpelina) cut in front of me in line going to the cafeteria
and I behaved as though it were an “orange”, becoming quite upset. The students
were quick to tell me that I was overreacting, and this was most definitely not
that big a deal. Some of the students felt it was in the blue zone and some
felt it was in the green zone. We then talked about what we could do to solve the
problem. Following up this lesson with a related tag game is always such fun
for the children as they get to move around while applying what they learned. I
continue to be in awe of the way Marilena makes this happen!
At home, it would be fun for you to create some situations that
your children might encounter with family members, at a restaurant, on
vacation, etc. An example might be to ask which zone they would be in if they
had planned a play date with a friend and it was cancelled because the friend
was sick. Or you went to a restaurant and didn’t like the meal you ordered.
Following these up with problem solving as a family is also very valuable, as
the children gain information from you regarding coping skills, self-control,
problem solving and who makes up the support system at home, school and
elsewhere. Self-management and metacognition are components of what are called
”soft skills”, and more research identifies
that the “soft skills” are as important for life success than academic skills!
So the question is: How big is your problem???
